Not a monster
by 3.14rate
Summary: A bunch of short drabbles of when Ryner left Roland, circling the relationship between him and Ferris, the murderous crazy dango bitch.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Just a bunch of short drabbles I've written about the story.

Re-written almost 3 years after I've initially posted it.

- Not a monster

1.1

_A Monster._

The Bearer of the alpha stigma.

A monster.

An atrocity. A diabolic abomination that shouldn't even be in existence.

_That's what I am, aren't I?_

Something that feeds, latches onto happiness and twisting it into suffering.

_A monster._

There's no denying it.

All those scars engraved upon me,

All those stained memories filled with death, despair and loneliness.

Betrayed once again.

_Who was I to even think for a mere second that someone like me could be human,_

_Who was i to even think that i could lead a normal life filled with fifty hours of afternoon naps a day,_

_Who was i to..._

There was no pain, no suffering...

My heart was long tore asunder, ripped into shreds .

A sense of foreboding numbness..

_And yet..._

Yet, I still felt concerned for my dear friends. That manipulative king Sion who should really get some rest, the absent minded Milk who's birthday I really shouldn't have forgotten,

and...

_Ferris..._

That dango loving murderous bitch who was always there for me no matter what.

The one person who made me held on so dearly to my last stretches of humanity.

But...

A monster does not deserve such luxury...

Care, tenderness...

_Love._

A monster does not deserve any of it at all!

The only thing a monster could bring forth would be more pain and suffering,

Who am I to drag them along with me on my aveiternal plummet to the surrounding darkness, to eternal destruction...

A monster does not deserve any of it at all...

_I'm a monster..._

One that should be left alone.

A lonely god .

_Monster ._

-End-

1.1

Edited 20/1/2014 ;D.


	2. Chapter 2

A somewhat crumpled piece of paper fell gently onto wooden floor, stiring up a tiny whirlwind of dust upon the inn's floor.

Blew by the slamming of the room's door, the object gently fluttered to the ground, landing perfectly facing upwards. The paper itself was very much crumpled and torn, probably due to the rough handling of it, but the King's signature that graced it's cover was still very much noticable.

At the exact same moment on the other side of the door, the inn owner walked by, a huge grin upon his face, shaking his head as he glanced at the young man who stood still by the doorway. The patron was slightly slouching, with his arm still gripping onto the door's handle, like a painting frozen in time.

Working here for almost 30 years, this was an all too familiar sight for the owner, an image of a tourist, probably leaving Roland and not coming back for a long period of time. Except that there was always something that held the person back, be it the beautiful Roland culture, the rich, tasty, spice filled food only found in this majestic land, or all the gorgeous single Roland ladies he can't lay his eyes on in fear of a nasty beating by his wife.

He mumbled to himself, thinking of the man as nothing but a tourist, satisfied that as long as they pay the rent, he won't have to use his walking stick as a weapon.

Grumbling about not having enough customers, he returned back to his daily routine of sweeping the ever dusty floor, even as the young man slowly started walking away.


	3. Chapter 3

The clashes of two wooden katanas resonated loudly throughout the empty dojo, scattering crows perched upon it's opened windows.

The two combatants stared upon the other, one filled with fiery emotion, the other dead, a lifeless set of pupils. Within seconds of the former raising her weapon, the latter responded suit, their katanas a blur as they leapt towards one another.

Ferris swung her katana as hard as she could, her choice of fighting was unlike her brother's, it was ugly, violent, rough, but it always got the job done. Brute force was simply her forte. Yet as her weapon shot towards the other man at an alarming fast rate, cascading straight towards Lucile, her older sibling simply just brought up gracefully and using her own momentum against her, parried it effortlessly.

She dodged his next blow and returned with one of her own, aiming for his chest yet once again with perfect precision, her blade was struck away. The shock of his defensive attack forcing her to stumble a few steps back.

And that was all Lucile needed, with a quick and fluid kick filled with celerity, the katana was knocked out of Ferris's grip, crashing across the side of the room, She blinked, and Lucile was suddenly behind her, his wooden katana striking her across her side.

"Too slow. "

Ferris barely heard the words before the insane pain kicked in, a searing pain exploded near her ribs, causing her to fall on one knee as pain overtook her. Agonizingly, the young warrior tried to push herself back up, she struggled profusely, but then the whole world suddenly seemed to start spinning around her. Eventually her legs gave way, collasping her onto the ground again. Once she hit the wooden floor of the dojo, the fire in her ribs made scream muffledly in pain.

She curled up in a fetus position, trying to herself from the agony that had consumed her.

With her vision bluring, she could only see a darkened shadow as her brother slowly approached her from her side.

"Weak."

"My little sister was never this weak."

"That monster had tainted you."

He spat as he said that word, his face writhing in disgust .

"Pick up your sword and fight, you disgrace the house of Eris!"

With one hand gripping tightly onto the wooden weapon Lucile kicked back to her, Ferris staggered to her feet, her head was spinning as she felt the sound of Lucile's footsteps around her slowly becoming distant, just jumbled up noises in an ever darkening world.

She slowly walked towards him, her sword dragging heavily against the floor.

"He is not a monster!"

And once again, wooden katana met wooden katana.


	4. Chapter 4

Sion sighed deeply at the fiesty warrior's words.

I want to go after him...

He already has enough problems plauging his life, the war with the Gestalk empire, the betrayal of nobels living on his land and now, even Ryner has gone missing.

Looking at Ferris he asked, "you sure?"

Before adding in concernly, "no, before that, are you okay?"

He did not know what had happened to her, and it wasn't really his business to do anything about it. She had told him it was due to family problems and he had left it at that, even though deep down he knew it was a lot worse. Her tiny frame was almost completely covered in bandages, with whatever part of her body left exposed covered filled with bruises. The petite female also had her arm slung across her chest, looking very much like a fragile broken toy.

Yet the fire burning in her eyes were undeniably strong, the eyes of a person whose decision Sion knew he could not talk his way out of.

"Yes," her voice was strong, contrast to the way she currently looked, "that pervertic traitor had betrayed the dango team. I will find that pervert, beat his pervertic ass senseless then pull him all the way back here and make him regret ever messing with the dango gods."

Sion couldn't help but smile at the smug look on her face, "you know," he replied, while taking out a map of the kingdom, "you're just one person, and this place isn't exactly small, right?"

"I know... I just really hope that I..."

Ferris's voice trembled slightly as she said it but regained her composure in the next second and said mockingly, "whichever village's women that had been disgustingly ravaged and terrorized by some pervert, he would be there, and I'll go to every single one of them... I'll... and .. I'll .. I'll make him regret ever... leaving me."

As soon as she said those words she had tears flowing down her face. They made their way down to her nose then slowly to her mouth where they got caught by her bright pink lips.

The feeling of emptiness in her disappeared as soon as she said those words and as much as she was in denial of how she truly felt, she knew all along why she had been hurting so badly the past few days. And it was not because of her physical injuries.

Looking at Sion's confused reaction, Ferris replied without bothering to wipe her eyes, "Lord Astral, I'm different from all those other girls. I don't have a normal childhood like the rest, I don't have loving parents, friends I could hang out with, nothing. I have nothing."

"All my life I was trained to be a cold, ruthless and emotionless weapon. I went through hardship and vigorous training every single day in the dojo, crying myself to sleep on the hard wooden dojo floor, too much in pain to even crawl back to my bed. While the rest of the kids my age were playing in sandboxes."

Ferris sniffed, wiping the tears away with the sleeves of her loose blouse and smiled, "but I never once regretted it, I never blamed anyone for my predicament. I have such a loving brother, a cute little sister, and I when i had my first dango, when it melted in my mouth, my heart throbbed with such intensity I thought I was going to die."

"And yet, when I found out he left, he left with the promise that he would help me carry all my fourteen backpacks worth of tango... I just ...", she gripped the right side of her chest and whimpered softly, "it just feels so wrong and empty inside, it hurts so much Sion..."

A piece of rolled up parchment fly straight across the room in Ferris's direction, raising her uninjured arm, she caught it easily.

"That's the map," Sion said as he sat down and returned to his work, without as much looking up he continued, "now now, you better hurry ,cause if you don't bring him back I'll have to crush some dango shops around here."


	5. Chapter 5

_"Dangos for sale! Warm, tasty and fresh out of the steaming basket!"_

_"Come get your dangos now!"_

The man looked up from a headful of unkempt dirty hair, the distinctive smell bringing a smile to his lips. It was a relief from the stench of dusty old books lining the side of his room. The walls assailed him with opacity, denying the man simplest of pleasures, neither view of the outside world nor the freedom to step a foot out of his cell. He would even had been shourded in complete darkness and silence save the tiny barred window located near the top of his confinement.

It was a compliment to call it a window even, having the opening being much smaller than his very own fingers, barely enough light for a single line of text. It gave him just enough, a few hours of reading time a day. He wouldn't have complained much, since it meant plenty of nap time for him, except for the fact that he had to move around according to the light's position. It worked just like a sun dial, he'll be leaning against the bars by the start of the day when the sunlight presses against one corner of the room, then slowly towards the middle of the cell and finally with his back against the wall at the end.

He hadn't thought about it all in a very long time.

The war, the king, the rule fragments, the cursed eyes and... her.

The great suffering, the hero king, the weapons, the curse and the roseate shade upon her cheeks whenever he had succeeded in making her blush.

Not the simplest of tasks.

The man yawned as he leaned back down onto his stone bed, adjusting himself in a way which alleviates the pain of sleeping years on a hardened surface. He wondered if she would still recognize him, with his unshaven face and waist length hair, he looked almost like a cavemen from ancient times. They wouldn't even trust him with a blunt razor to keep himself clean.

_"Dangos! Get your dangos!"_

Another tiny smile crossed the man's face as he gently closed his eyes, welcoming thoughts of gentler times and the smile he would never forget.

_"Come get your dangos now!"_

_Oh how much he misses her, oh so much._

_**End.**  
><em>

* * *

><p>Wasn't planning on writing this till season 2 of Lotlh or at least more chapters in it's LN. But well, I rewatched it out of boredom the other day and.. ^_^.<p>

It's been two years, I wonder if people still read this :/ .

Well, review if you liked it, and maybe I'll add a little bit more.


	6. How are you, I wonder

Long into the night he walked, wandered the outskirts of the Roland Empire, re- familiarizing himself with the darkened shapes of looming towers in the far distance. He absorbed the different details, astonished and a little surprised at how little the city itself had changed.

He was pleased to the say the least, stumbling across the tiny little hut he once used to frequent. There were obvious changes of course, newer stands, seats, a different shade of wood, flavors, but the dango store, was still a dango store.

Pulling the old fabric closer to himself, the man slowly approached the store, his derelict cloak flowed softly in the night's caress. Fatigue had crept up to him on the journey, the darkness too as it contoured around the edges of the stores around him, yet his destination was as bright as a summer's sky.

His emboldened memories slowly emerged like insistent stars in a fading sky, he did not need to close his eyes to see, the hear the memories of times passed. He could see the two of them, they were so young, so naive. He could see the curls of her hair, almost feel it brush across his arm, he could hear her laughter, pleasant, like music.

He couldn't remember how many boxes of dangos he bought for her the last time they left this place, but he remembered his aching back, the feeling of a bottomless pit for a wallet.

And the smile she gave in return for his present.

Though in a way, she did forced him to buy her all the dangos in the first place, so it might not had been a present technically speaking... but still.

Without a doubt, feelings he would give anything to feel once again.

The man reached around his jackets, groping and grasping at the flaps, pulling lint, stray ends and sending ton of dust flying around till he found what he was looking for. A single copper coin safely hidden in one of it's pockets, all he had left.

He approached the store, the coin lying in his trembling outreached hand, picked up by the woman behind the counter, whom handed him a single dango in return, all that he could afford. His hands shook, yet as his teeth sank into the soft delicacy, they grew firm. He felt something salty brush against his lips, something soft trickling down the side of his cheeks.

He reached up and his fingers came back wet. The man was crying, but he did not understand why. He took another bite, there was nothing special in the taste, he had never truly understood why she loved it so much yet, it tasted exactly the same. The same as it was, back then. The warm liquid trailed down the side of his cheeks, bringing soot and dirt along it's way. He did not wipe them away, they were a reminder, something to wake him from the nightmare in which he stayed.

Ten years in a prison without light. A normal person would not survive. He had to let go of everything, desires, lust, love. In order to survive, he had to become an empty shell that could not be affected by anything, lest it drive him insane. To keep one's sanity, one had to let go of all that has happened to him.

And he did. He let go, he forgot. Everything.

Her.

Everything.

But apparently, a single bite of a dango could bring it all back.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Fin<strong>_.

_Quite a pleasant surprise seeing how people are still interested in a story I've written a few years ago. Thank you all. Maybe if there's a good response, I'll finish it up. _

_Until then, let the angst and hurt flow through all!_

-v


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